Home  | Random Acts of Violence 2007

Over these passed few weeks I have heard stories of ‘random acts of violence’. Even on this winter Sunday a grandfather told me that his paper-delivering grandson was punched, for no reason than other’s anger and hate. I want to find that innocent young man and say; talk about your experience, those feelings of fear, humiliation which can build into us powerless hopelessness and worthless. Find encouragement so your world is not shaky and fear-filled. Don’t let the perpetrators take away your right to feel safe, free and happy to be who you are. Find support from your peers, family, a teacher, a counsellor, someone you trust, or with whom you can build trust.

 

Don’t give up on yourself, search for encouragement. Find that internal place that supports and encourages us into being better human beings and contributing members of society. We all need heroes around us, you can be one!

 

I am a counsellor with the Napier Family Centre. We ‘immigrated’ from Auckland where I trained as a counsellor and for 17 years I worked in a therapeutic community for people with mental and emotional health issues. I was one of Elizabeth Kubbler-Ross’s staff as a team leader, so I have good training and experience under my skin.

 

When I was invited to write this column, as a professional and as a woman who was born with a bone disease, visible by my walk and my ‘shortness’, I wanted to share my experience of a random act of violence.

 

A few weeks ago I was publicly, loudly, verbally abused and my man physically abused. Why? Because I am ‘short’. Since that time, I have been on a roller-coaster inside my self. This has been a huge lesson for me. I have realized yet again, we cannot change what happens to us in life, but we can change how we deal with it, we can change how we view our self and how bullying/abuse/victimization/ridicule makes us feel.

 

What has assisted me to regain my hard won self respect and inner authority, that place inside that says, ‘I am okay, I may not look like you, we are all different, and yet we are the same’? What did I do with my shame, the ridicule and humiliation dealt from women to another woman?

 

I looked [again] at how I felt about ‘my difference in the world’, I talked to some members of my family, friends, colleagues, health professionals, our local MP and other members of this community. I was heard, taken seriously, I felt supported, cared for, respected, I had people on my side. It would have been easy to isolate with the shame and to lose my voice. Where would have that got me in life? I would have returned to the victim place, that place that can erode our internal self respect and kindness.

 

We all have experiences which can be threatening or abusive. How we deal with them is the challenge. Seek support. We all need heroes around us, you can be one!