Sharing Children with Care over Christmas

Sharing children with care at Christmas.

If you are one of the many families who will be sharing children this Christmas due to separation, Kathy Egan, Accord Counselling Manager at Napier Family Centre suggests parents consider the following points.

Be co-operative for your children’s sake – they deserve nothing less. Co-operation between parents is very important.

Always remember the child’s right to have a happy and free relationship with both parents.

Help your child be relaxed about the parent who is not present. Often children will be concerned about the parent not with them, worrying that Mum or Dad will be sad or lonely. Reassure them by saying ‘‘I really want you to go and have a good time, I’ve got lots of nice things planned for me while you are away’’.

Make clear arrangements before Christmas about sharing care.

Be on time to pick up or drop off your children. Don’t leave them waiting at the window for you to arrive - this is heartbreaking for both child and the parent waiting. If you are going to be late, ring or text.

Keep harmony at change-over -time, no arguing. If you have issues, deal with them somewhere else, your children do not need to be involved.

Speak well of the other parent and never ‘‘put them down’’. This includes negativity among whānau members as well. Speaking well about your former partner (and possibly their new partner) ensures that the children will feel safe and secure. Children with warring parents do suffer, and this may not come to the surface until years later. Tell the child that you are happy for them to see the other parent – in fact, you want them to.