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Through my work as a Counsellor at the Napier Family Centre I meet many people whose lives have been taken over by the grip of depression. There are often similarities in the stories that they tell, about the impact of the depression and one that is fore-front, is that they are frequently told to pull themselves together.

 

Depression is becoming widespread in our society; it can invade the lives of young and old, rich and poor. It is often described as a thick black cloud that envelopes the person; it keeps out light, motivation and joy; it holds in feelings of sadness, hopelessness, loneliness and guilt. The grip of depression can be vice-like and suffocating, so as you can imagine, being told to pull yourself together is not much help, in fact it can compound the feelings of guilt and helplessness. The words “pull yourself together” can take on many forms and come from many sources; the person suffering from depression can tell themselves to get a grip; friends and family may tell them to pull their socks up, or to try harder to get well, and society may give the message that they should feel ashamed for needing the support of therapy and/or medication. There can be many subtle meanings lying beneath the words pull yourself together; here are a few:

Generally the words “pull yourself together” are not said with these intentions in mind, but are said out of concern, fear and frustration. Depression is not a choice, who would choose to feel this way? I have seen people battle depression with every ounce of strength that they have and believe me, it is one of the hardest things to do, when even your motivation to fight is slowly diminishing. What’s wrong with needing help? When is it all right to ask for directions? Who said that we should be alone on our journey through life? Why can’t we walk alongside each other? And as for depression being a sign of weakness, I speak from my heart when I say that I am in awe of the strength that I see in the people who are trying to loosen the grip of depression. So what can we do? May be we can look for our own answers to the above questions. Maybe we could swap judgement for compassion, whatever we do, let’s make sure that the three words “pull yourself together” are cut down to one - TOGETHER, - as it is together that we heal.